Observações

Komkommertijd

2006-07-04T18:33:00.000+02:00

Realising today, that I have not heard from several friends for quite a while, I scrolled through my blogbookmarks to check out what they have been so busy with the last couple of weeks. Funny enough, none of them have updated their blog since...april! So if neither blogging or social activities is consuming their time...what are they in fact doing?

June and July are the quiet months. In Dutch, we use the expression 'komkommertijd' - literally translated 'cucumbertime' - for the summer months in which there is no real news. Nu.nl, the most popular Dutch website for the up-to-date news, shows newsitems such as 'gasoline prices raised again', 'supermarkets sell well due to increased ice cream sales', 'mobile phone condom penetrates the mobile market', and 'sales of newspapers decrease'.

Even my blog suffers of komkommernews, such as this blogpost. Due to the heat, I do not ...

Okay, I now need to use a Swedish word that expresses best what I would like to say here: Due to the heat, I do not 'orka' to sit and write intelligent posts.

And this brings me to my lingual observation for this month. The top three of expressions used most frequently by Swedes in conversations seems to be: 'att orka', 'att hinna' (by persons), and 'att återkomma' (by authorities). Translated: to cope' (with meeting up, working out, going on holiday), 'to reach' (to catch a train, to manage with an assignment etc.), and 'to return' (as in..getting back to you). Imagine a people that consequently does not cope with things and does not manage doing things. On top of that, you are consequently being told that they will get back to you with an answer...if they ever will. This leaves us with a lot of tired, stressed and sjukskriven people.

To end on a positive note, Stockholm must be one of the best cities to work and live during the summer. There are special summer schedules, which means that you leave from work at 16.00 (because you work some extra hours during the winter), you go to the nearest beach - in the middle of the centre - and you take a refreshing dive in water that is so cold and pure that it feels like it just came down from the mountain. Trevlig sommar!

Den stora stadsmänniskan

2006-03-23T21:21:00.000+01:00

Idag funderade jag på min livsstil i den stora staden jag levar i. Jag kom fram till roliga men också skrämmande insiktar. Här kommer nio signaler på att man har blivit en storstadsmänniska:

1. Man är hemma endast då man behöver ta en douche eller sova.
2. Man betalar även ens latte med kortet, därför att man helt enkelt aldrig har några kontanter i fickan.
3. Man råkar bara handla på 7-eleven.
4. Man äter en lunch som består av en fullkornshamburgare fylld med ruccola och lax.
5. Man tar rena kläderna från tvättkorgen för att man aldrig hinnar vika upp och röja undan dem.
6. Man har Comviq kompis abbonemang och därför kan man ringa hur mycket som helst, var som helst.
7. Man fikar så mycket att man har stammiskort på CoffeeCup, Coffeehouse by George och Wayne's.
8. Man blir förälskad i utsiktet varje gång man sitter i tunnelbanan mellan Gamla Stan och Slussen.
9. Man har SL kortet i handskan p.g.a. frekvensen med vilken man drar det.

Känner du igen dig?

Call me an alcoholic (but my way is better than the Swedish way)

2006-02-17T16:27:00.000+01:00

I have never been in a country with such a strange relationship to alcohol. The first thing that struck me, obviously, was the fact that you can only buy alcohol in designated places, namely the state-owned Systembolaget. These booze shops have office-like opening hours, and close at 15.00 on Saturdays. Yes, planning is required! Forget sprinting to the late night opened supermarket around the corner to buy a nice bottle of wine for an unexpected visitor. The state-owned systemet has not a commercial, but a social function. Their vision is to create a 'good drinking culture'. It wants people to focus on quality instead of quantity. Their most sold beer is a cheap one called Sofiero original. A lot of cultivation remains to be done.

What I noticed next is the puritan attitude towards alcohol during the week and the overexcessive drinking in the weekend. Yes, this is a completely subjective and unscientific observation. But I am not the only one who thinks this. All of my expat friends (from the Netherlands, Belgium, Germany and Danmark) agree.

Another thing: in front of every single systembolaget, there are the alcoholists. They hang in front of the shop and drink and have a good time together, even when it is minus 10 and they freeze their buts off. Men and women in all ages. Everyone just ignores them and does not seem to mind that they hang out there, because they never harm anyone. The police knows these
people and conducts small talk with them. And I cannot help but wondering what keeps these people alive. Surely, they must enjoy some sort of social benefit. Does it not infury anyone that they spend their time drinking instead of getting better? Yes, I know, an oversimplification of the horrible problems that these people assumingly deal with, but still.

An observation that I found most worrying, however, is the hidden drinking problem of many people. I got to know a charming young Swedish guy and liked him. But during a dinner at my place that included wine, I saw how frustration combined with an overconsumption of alcohol changed this seemingly lovely person into an aggressive and intimidating monster. Afterwards,
I asked around and most people seemed to know at least one person with a drinking problem in their circle of friends. Usually, these people have jobs and maybe families and they function reasonably. But the drinking poses serious trouble for their health and for their relationships under the surface.

When people find out that I am a christian, they are surprised to see me drinking wine. It turns out that many christians (especially in the pfingströrelse) do not drink out of principle, due to the problems that Sweden has had and still has with alcoholism.

I am so puzzled by all these double signals. The sale of alcohol is strictly regulated and alcohol is very expensive. Yet, there seem to be many alcoholists - both openly and hidden. Alcoholconsumption happens not on a daily basis, but in the weekend and in large quantities. But on average, Swedes drink less than other Europeans. Did Sweden's policy work after all, seeing the average low consumption? Or does the excessive drinking and the alcoholism problem outweigh that result?

Personally, I prefer one or two glasses of wine every evening. Healthy and enjoyable. Some would classify me as an alcoholic, but from a perspective of health and sociality, the Saturday-concentrated drinking is much less desirable.

Typical Swedish: obsession with safety

2005-12-30T20:46:00.000+01:00

Let us call this post no. 1 in a series on typical Swedish phenomena. I found one that made me burst into laughter and then, worry about the poor busdrivers in Sweden...

The Swedish 'local traffic assiciation' (lokaltrafikföreningen) is launching a pilot projekt, starting 15 January, aimed at researching how digital displayers on which the speed of the bus is visible to passengers influences the speed of the bus, increases safety and gives good information to passengers (syftet är att undersöka hur digitala displayer där bussens hastighet åskådliggörs för passagerarna påverkar hastigheten, ökar säkerheten och ger en bra passagerarinformation).

Imagine a stressed busdriver that has had a rough day, that has seen hundreds of grumpy faces getting onto her bus, that has been called names by a bunch of young guys who did not make it in time to get on, that has been pushed by tight time schedules to perform to her best ability....imagine a dozen of passengers shouting at her because she drives 55 km/h instead of the allowed 50. In my opinion, a such system would certainly not increase safety, it would only stress out the busdrivers even more.

As I was growing up, a documentary-like Dutch television series called '12 steden, 13 ongelukken' taught me one thing: traffic accidents happen when the driver is disturbed, angry, stressed or tired.

A quick peek on the website of one of the biggest Dutch public transport companies Connexxion shows that this company's concern with safety is mostly aimed at making the bus environment safe for passengers, that is to say, free of trouble-makers.

It almost seems that in the absence of other - more serious - problems, the Swedish local traffic association is overregulating and obssesed with safety concerns.

Translational humour

2005-12-25T21:43:00.000+01:00

Don't you get embarrassed when you literally translate a word from your mothertongue into another language where it gets a different meaning...

I do this all the time. Today, for example, I complimented my Sri Lankan friend for the excellent 'flesh' that he prepared. Surely, he understood that I was not mistaking him for a cannibal, but it is understandable that he looked questioned anyways. Why is it that German and Dutch use the same word for 'flesh' and 'meat' (vlees, Fleisch) and two other Germanic languages - Swedish and English - do not?

Another lingual habit of mine is to enswedish Dutch words. This usually works out quite well, although some people mistake me for an oldfashioned lingo-purist. Many Dutch words are alike the older Swedish words that nobody uses any longer. Like the Dutch word 'beginnen' (to begin), in Swedish 'begynna', which is only used in the bible or in old expressions. The advantage of using such words is that I come across as an intelligent and literate person.

Ocassionally, I would endutch Swedish words. One of my favorite Swedish words is 'kissnödig'. It means that you have to pee quite urgent, literally: 'peenecessite'. I would love to tell my family during dinner once that I am 'plasnodig' and check out their faces.

Don't you love playing with words... This post-subject will be continued.

En riktig svensk jul

2005-12-25T21:12:00.000+01:00

Igår, så fick jag uppleva en riktig svensk julafton hos en svensk kompis' familj i Jakobsberg. Det var en skön upplevelse. Jag jobbade på den dagen och kunde inte komma innan kl.16. Fy! Jag missade jag Kalle Anka på tv:n! Det var väl synd, för det preglar en svensk julafton nog mest, tror jag. Alla andra goda jul-ingredienser fanns: familj, grillad skinka, köttbullar, sil, kladdkaka, mycket glögg och vin, en nästan-gräl, en 'tomte', presenter, en härmning-julgran och två stressade hundar. Jag njöt av att vara mittibland en familj som jag aldrig hade träffats förrut och som var så hjärtligt mot mig. Amerikanska kvinnan i sällskapet verkade gilla mig. Endast min svenska kompis gjorde hon det för att jag är annorlunda jämfört med svenskar, d v s öppnare. Jag undrar varför alla, till och med svenskar, tycker att svenskar är så reserverade och distanserande. Jag var ensam under julen i två andra länder förrut (Portugal och Österrike) och det var det ingen som bjöd mig hem till familjen då. Det var en underbar gest som jag tackar för!

De psychologie van een bar

2005-12-22T21:21:00.000+01:00

Een bar dient als ontmoetingsplaats voor mensen onderling en behoort altijd de zinnen in precies de juiste mate te prikkelen. Het licht gedimd, zodat onze ogen niet overbelast worden en zodat we er allemaal wat aantrekkelijker uitzien. De muziek op de achtergrond van de conversaties, maar tegelijk op de voorgrond van de ziel die macht naar gevoelsmatige voeding. Een zachte zee van geluid die de ziel smeert, als een geoliede machine, die de stemming aangenaam, zelfs draagbaar maakt. Het meubilair dat het lichaam doet rusten, dat de kleine smarten van de dag absorbeert en het oog rustig maakt. Kaarsen die het warme gevoel van veiligheid geven. De barman die aanwezig is, maar geen aandacht trekt, die dient, niet vraagt. De olijven die de zijlingse bittere smaakpupillen strelen en een aangemaan gevoel van verzadiging geven. En dan de wijn, die de mond op een virtuele smaakreis neemt en alle rijkdommen van de grond, de druif, de wijnmaker, en het vat in zich heeft. Tegen het decor van dit alles speelt zich het sociale spel af. Mensen mingelen, kijken, verleiden, stoten af, praten, versieren, willen zich allemaal van hun mooiste kant laten zien.

Maar zij wil daar juist dwars doorheen kijken. Zij observeert, analyseert en kijkt mensen aan. Soms kijken ze terug, met een open en geïnteresseerde blik. Maar meestal trekken ze zich terug, betrapt op een poging tot echtheid.

Verrijking

2005-12-22T21:09:00.000+01:00

Onlangs sprak ik een vriend van me. Ik kreeg de indruk dat zijn prioriteit ligt bij het intellectueel onwikkelen van zichzelf. Hij geeft niet om bezittingen, wat iets zeldzaams en moois is. Maar het uitbouwen van kennis, dat is het! Daarom vind hij het interessant om iedere zoveel jaar naar een nieuw land te verhuizen. Na dat gesprek vroeg ik me af of kennisverrijking superieur is aan materiële verrijking.

Ik heb de indruk dat het neerkomt op hetzelfde, namelijk zelfverrijking. Je doet iets totaal voor jezelf, een ander is er nauwelijks bij gebaat.

Als je Gods doel voor de mens bekijkt, dan ligt de nadruk anders. Dat doel houdt in: 'houden van'. Namelijk van God, van jezelf en van andere mensen (als jezelf). Ik vind zelf dat Gods doel voor het menselijke leven nogal goed klinkt. Het is een win-win-win situatie. God ervaart vreugde van een schepsel dat thuiskomt bij Hem, de Vader. Ik kan me voorstellen dat Hij ervan geniet als wij onze talenten ontplooien en deze aanwenden tot Zijn eer. We leren te geven zonder er iets voor terug te verwachten. God is blij, wij zijn blij (omdat we tot ons recht komen) en onze omgeving is blij, omdat ze er rijker van wordt.

Is een leven zonder God net zo voldoenend?

Dumplings and cannibalism

2005-11-24T01:45:00.000+01:00

As I locked my bike and went up to my room, I realised that I could not just go to bed and sleep quietly. The thing is, I have just seen a film shown by the the Stockholm International Film Festival, called 'Dumplings'. I will not outline the story as it is perfectly done so here. Instead, I would like to pose you a question that has been snorring in my head since I walked out of the cinema: is cannibalism wrong?

As you may have read by now, the most noticeable detail in the film is that a woman eats dumplings in which foetuses are processed to regain her youthful appearance. Irregardless of her motives, I surprised myself by thinking: what is wrong with eating foetuses? Even though one noticed a chock amongst the spectators when the preparation of the dumplings wass explicitly shown, I was not repulsed by the sight of a five-months old foetus being chopped into pieces. Maybe it is because of my background as a daughter of a vetenarian that sometimes by accident found little kitty foetuses in the uteras of a tomcat that was about to be sterilised. But I can imagine that foetuses are nutricious. It is just the purpose of rejuvantion that I find ridiculous in the whole act.

Now, I know that you probably think: but a five-months-old foetus, that is a little human being. Why would you want to kill that and eat it? Please remember that this film plays in China, where the adoption-rate under the one-child-policy must have been extremely high. But apart from that, let us assume that it is repulsive and immorily wrong to kill and eat foetuses. How do you feel about eating human flesh in general then? If the person died a natural death, what is wrong with eating its flesh? I am positive that this has happened in all civilisations in times of famines and war. What makes cannibalism such a taboo in all times and all over the world? Why do we not eat that which is edible and nutricious?

I can think of some answers, but I would really like to hear yours first!

In the meanwhile, I do not think I will be ordering any dumplings in the nearby future, due to funny associations.

Discriminating decision-making

2005-09-15T13:23:00.000+02:00

With a slight feeling of inconvenience, I read an article in today's Svenska Dagbladet called 'Tunnlar bara för de rika' (tunnels only for the rich). The authors have researched the ten biggest roadconstructions - both those that were recently finished as well as those that are planned - in Stockholm. It turned out that there is a clear relationship between class and ethnicity and the way in which roads are planned and constructed. That is to say that in the rich parts of the city, where the well-to-do and white Stockholmers live, expensive tunnels are constructed, whereas in the areas in which many immigrants live, roads are built on the surface. Even the road construction organisation Vägverket acknowledges that it would have been better to build tunnels in the immigrant areas as well, from an environmental point of view. But these tunnels are not built because it would be too expensive. Thus it is a matter of politics: which areas get the nice, healthy and expensive tunnels and which areas get regular roads, gassing the inhabitants... I think that articles like these are especially painful for Swedes, since they stress social equality that much.

I am not an expert on Swedish law, but does something like 'the right to clean air' (also see my blog on air pollution of 18 April 2005) exist? Anyway, my point in this blog is not the right to clean air, but the apparent hidden criteria that decision-makers apply.

The whole thing reminded me of the painful discovery I did which led me to write my bachelor thesis for political science. I found out that ECHO - a body of the European Commission that supports programmes in the field of humanitarian aid - does not allocate its money in accordance with its own a-political criterion, namely the greatest humanitarian need. A very simple comparison between the allocation of money to programmes in different countries and the organisation own's list of humanitarian need in all countries shows that the organisation does not live up to their official policy. The big question of course is: what other criteria does the organisation use? Since the bachelor thesis consisted of developing an extensive research design, but not the conduction of the research itself, I never found an answer to this question. The answer might be quite simple, such as practical impossibilities. However, politics is a tricky business and this article in SvD once again shows that decision-making is sometimes a dirty business too. I believe it is up to us - the civil society - to reveal these practices and at least show our discontent.

Svenskt mot osvenskt: september

2005-09-13T21:42:00.000+02:00

Svenskt:

- Att ha föräldrarsförlåv som 'yrke';
- att ha speciella knappar på bussen för barnvagn- på- och avstigning;
- att finnas en kö till två uttagmaskiner (så att det blir ärligare);
- att se immigranter som sitter hos Migrationsverket i flera timmar och väntar tills de får gå till postlyckan för att ansöka om uppehållstillstånd medan det våre möjligt att fixa det på internet i fem minuter;
- att titta på tjejer i kjoler med 12 grader Celcius;
- att dricka öl på tunnelbanan
- att vara framgångsrik och ödmjuk samtidigt.

Osvenskt:

- att åttala någon i tunnelbanen / på tåget när det är klart att musiken spelar för högt;
- att spilla öl på bordet;
- att finnas trevliga, duktiga, små vinbutiker;
- att dricka decafein kaffet;
- att ge dricks.

Bloggöl i Tranan - träffa vakidioten

2005-09-13T20:35:00.000+02:00

Jag var på min andra Stockholms bloggöl igår kväll, där jag fick träffa andra vakidioten (vak betyder ämne eller yrke; nu kan du väl gissa vad ordet betyder), även från andra länder. Det var mysigt, och framförallt personligt (såväl atmosphär som samtal). Och det gillar jag. Jag tycker att det blir intressantare att läsa någons blogg efter jag har träffat personen, då har man ett ansikte och ett intryck av människan i minnen och förstår man bättre vad man skriver det man skriver.

Lingual impoverishment

2005-08-29T00:10:00.000+02:00

This week, another attempt by a brave Swedish citizen in the Swedish paper Dagens Nyheter was made to point out the impoverishment of the Swedish language through the ever increasing use of English terms.

I do not agree with these people, I believe that everyone is free to use whichever words at whatever given time. Is language besides a form of communication not a part of a (sub)culture? Do people not distinguish themselves by using different combinations and unique expressions? Do loanwords not give a new flavour to a language that starts to stabilise? Enrichenment, I would call it.

Whatever your opinion on this matter is, I also believe that it is incredibly useless to protest against the increasing use of English. Language does not belong to linguists, linguists exist by the very grace of the continuous change of language. Language is perhaps the most democratic thing there is. It belongs to the people, to every single person that uses it. Language is fluent and ought to be subject to new influences.

Do we have to remind people like that of previous foreign influences on the Swedish language? I have not studied this area but the following words surely do not have germanic roots: restaurang, biograf, teater, spekulera (and so on and so forth).

Language to the people!

Modern supermarkets

2005-08-29T00:00:00.000+02:00

Last summer, I already noticed that most supermarkets in Stockholm have a coins machine at the cash register, in which you deposit any coins you wish to pay with. Paper money is given to the cassière. If you get change that includes coins, the coins come out of this machine as well. As soon as you figured out the system, it is a pretty handy one.

However, my astonishment could not get any bigger as when I visited a huge supermarket in Nacka, outside of the city centre, where customers walked around with a beeping laserstick in their hands, scanning every single article that they put in their trolley. This makes the whole procedure at the cash register less complicated: the only thing you need to do is give the laserstick to the cassière and pay. This system is of course based on the honesty of the customers. I was told that from time to time, they actually check your receipt with whats in your trolley.

This would never work in the Netherlands!

Den härliga småländskan

2005-08-10T23:12:00.000+02:00

Ikväll, så var jag med i en sommarcellgrupp i vår kyrkan, där vi sjöng, bad, pratade, fikade osv. Och sen var det dags för att läsa i bibeln och lära oss av berättelsen. Killen som gjorde det var från Småland. Jag bara slöt mina ögon och njöt. Därför att texten var så bra och inhållsrik så klart, men även för att jag tyckte jättemycket om hans dialekt. Förestäl dig att lyssna till den här texsten läst av en smålänning:

”Sannerligen, jag säger er: den som inte går in i fårfållan genom grinden utan klättrar in på ett annat ställe, han är en tjuv och en rövare. Men den som går in genom grinden är fårens herde. För honom öppnar grindvakten, och fåren hör hans röst, och han ropar på sina får med deras namn och för ut dem.När han har släppt ut sina får går han före dem, och fåren följer honom därför att de känner igen hans röst.Men en främling följer de inte, utan springer ifrån honom, därför att de inte känner igen främmande röster.” (Joh 10:1-4)

Observera att bokstaven 'r' finns ordentligt mycket i den här teksten. Och vad gulligt det låter på Småländska! Om jag skulle bo någonstans i Sverige där man inte bryr sig om hur jag uttalar 'r'-en, då skulle jag väl flytta till Småland. Om man får gissa var jag kommer ifrån, då säger väl 90% att jag kommer från USA eller England, därför att jag försöker använda mitt engelska 'r' när jag pratar svenska. Jag kommer aldrig att lära mig hur man uttalas 'r'-en med tungan. Finns det någon språkvetare som kan förklara mig hur det görs?

Coffeeculture

2005-08-08T15:40:00.000+02:00

Swedes drink a lot of coffee. In fact, all Scandinavian countries rank highest on coffee consumption figures. Whereas Eastern Europeans only consume around 2 kilo's of coffee per capita per year, Nordic people consume around 10 kilo's! Because the coffee lexicon evolved around Italian words, it is easy to believe that Italians drink most coffee. That, however, is a misunderstanding. Italians rank quite low, around 4 kilo's per person per year. Other southern countries rank similar. Germanic countries such as Germany and the Netherlands score a little higher, around 7-8 kilo's.* It seems legitimate to conclude that coffee consumption is directly correlated to the geographic position of a people. The more north one goes, the more coffee is consumed.

It must be the weather then.

I tried to figure out why consumption varies in Sweden. In the early 90s, the average Swede drank almost four cups of coffee a day. In 1994 however, the number suddenly dropped till three cups a day and ever since, the average Swede does not drink over three-and-a-half cups a day. When looking at the average income of Swedes, there seems to be no correlation. Although Swedes continue to earn much more in the late 90s, coffee consumption stays about the same. The price of coffee perhaps explains more. In 1991, international agreements on the price of coffee ceased to exist, causing coffeeprices to drop enormously. Coffeeconsumption did not raise, however. But in 1994, there was a great draught and coffeeprices went up.** Might this have caused the average swede to drink less coffee the year after?

Irrespective of the variation, Swedes thus drink a lot of coffee. And this can easily be noticed. I have not seen such a great number of cafés and coffeehouses in any other city than Stockholm. The coffee lexicon, as said, is completely Italian. A normal coffee ('vanlig kaffe' / bryggkaffe') usually goes with the lunch. Swedes have a unique word that denotes a second - and free- cup of coffee: 'påtår'. But when one really sits down to have a 'fika', one orders at least an espresso, a macchiato, a cappucino or a latte. Whereas one needs to order a 'koffie met melk' in the Netherlands (okay, sometimes the French 'café au lait' also works), Swedes do it the Italian way with a 'latte'. Then, almost at least as important is something to go with the coffee. The counter shows an impressive arsenal of homebaked pies, cakes and cookies. A big and juicy piece of 'morotskaka' (carrot cake) is my favorite.

*I based these numbers on statistics from the 80s by www.coffeeresearch.org and checked up with some more updated national databases. Because the methods and consequently, the numbers vary, i took rough numbers.
**www.kaffeinformation.se and www.scb.se

The paradox of freedom of choice

2005-08-08T11:03:00.000+02:00

This morning, I discovered the guide to the Swedish bloggworld, a beautifully simple and therefore clarifying site about all Swedish bloggers (that have signed up). I noticed that virtually all bloggers had chosen a theme, a hallstand by which they picked topics for their posts. Some topics were very explicit ('tro och politik'), other topics were quite random ('funderingar om vänner och familj'). Nevertheless, it made me think about my own weblog. Lately, I have been posting very little. In addition, the topics of the posts that I have issued are very diverse and random. When I started this weblog, I did not choose a topic, because I do not like restrictions when it comes to my own personal blogging.

However, scrolling through other people's blogs today, I was reminded of an article in NRC Handelsblad on 29 January 2005 by Barry Schwartz called 'De paradox van keuzevrijheid: meer is niet beter' (the paradox of freedom of choice: more is not better). He points out that one of the leading thoughts in politics, economy and psychology is that we are better off when we have more choice. He argues, however, that there is a bending point. Too much choice has a paralysing effect, causing us to feel insecure and unsatisfied with our choice: 'this one is good, but with so much choice, there has to be a better one'. Simple psychological tests showed that people get indecisive when they are offered too many variants of one product in a shop. They would buy more when the choice was varied but limited.

When I first read this article, I wholeheartedly agreed and thought of my grandparents and all of their ten sisters and brothers, every single one of which had found its partner within ten kilometres from their village. People in those days did not travel. But they were satisfied with the limited choice they had. Nowadays, the world has become a global village. I was once told that people meet a hundred times more people in their lives than people in the middle-ages did. And yet, there are more singles than ever.

Thus, unending possibilities and options does not necessarily make one happier, on the contrary, it makes one indecisive. This might be the reason that I find it hard to post, since there is an endless array of possible topics that I could write about. Consequently, I start dubbing about which topic is most interesting and I end up writing nothing.

Therefore, I have decided that I shall rebaptise this weblog and that from now on, I will write about one topic only. This is a topic that is consequently on my mind. I namely never seize to be amazed by cultural and lingual differences. Living abroad (as a Dutchie in Sweden) provides me with excellent input. I hope you (grow to) like my future posting about this topic. Feel free to let me know what you think. I will end this post with a question to you, the reader: where are you from, where do you currently live and which languages do you read?

Blame it on Islamism

2005-07-22T15:21:00.000+02:00

Reading the opinion page in Dagens Nyheter, Sweden's biggest newspaper, yesterday, I was both surprised as well as taken aback by Per Ahlmark's* column following the bombings in London. He links the bombings to Islamism which he considers to be a totalitarian ideasystem, in line with sovietcommunism and national-socialism. All three systems strive for domination of the world and use violence to this end. He refers to Yehuda Bauer, a professor that researches destruction and anti-semitism, who first made this comparison. Ahlmark concludes that these terrorists (the ones that bombed the London subway) did not become terrorists because they were isolated and subordinated in British society, but because they were brainwashed and convinced by a totalitarian school of religion. In this last paragraph, he accuses a certain professor called Jan Hjärpe, specialised in Islamism, for negating the totalitarian side of Islamism, blaming society instead.

What Ahlmark in turn seems to neglect is the possibility that both of them are right to a certain extent. What on earth could drive a young man to even consider joining a movement that opposes everything he was is brought up with? I certainly do not have a clear-cut answer, but it is a question worth considering.

I understand and share Ahlmark's concern with the destructive nature of these extremist groups. And we must surely not understimate the impact of terrorism nowadays. But the problems that we are to address start earlier and nearer than he leads us to believe.

*Swedish writer, previous vice-PM and freelance columnist.

Observation bites

2005-05-30T00:18:00.000+02:00

Because I travel by train, I get to be among people a lot. I am always astonished by the colourful plaetoria of looks, voices, conversations, opinions and body language. Soundbites from my observations...

I sit in the fast tram and watch a couple coming in. They take a seat near me. The guy is talking swiftly and moves his hands, arms and in fact his whole upper body in order to enforce the words he is saying. Because it is Arabic, I cannot understand what it is he says, but it seems he is irritated by something. The girl sees my face and smiles, I smile back. Does she know what I am thinking? Do we smile because we have the same thoughts? It felt as if I was connected with her. A universal language of the sexes?

The intercity rushes past the landscape, we are ten minutes from our destination. An old couple starts preparing to get off. She fetches the coats and helps her husband getting into his. He carefully packs the remains of their lunch and the newspaper. They listen attentively to the voice on the speakers, announcing the next stop. When the train stars to slow down, they get up and move themselves towards the doors. How I love the way that old people take the time they need.

Two guys walk through the central hall of the train station. They converse by reading each other's lips and by using sign language now and then. One of them has earplugs in, he is probably listening to music. I laugh at the brilliance of this situation: listening to music whilst being able to 'see-listen' to the person you're talking to.

The train stops at a small village. A pimpled teen boy gets on the train and kisses his young luv one last time; she's wearing an H&M skirt and a pink 'Von Dutch' cap. When he found his seat next to me, he opens the window and as the train begins to move, he shouts at her with his cracking voice: 'Ik houd van je!'

Wetenschap: alleen positivisme??

2005-05-25T12:01:00.000+02:00

Afgelopen maandag stond er een artikel in NRC Handelsblad over evolutietheorie vs Intelligent Design theory. Minister Van der Hoeven van onderwijs heeft namelijk een discussie aangezwengeld waarin ze de hegemonie van de evolutietheorie in het onderwijs aan de kaak stelt. De schrijver van het artikel vond dat de Intelligent Design theorie geen echte wetenschappelijke theorie was. Ik heb me enorm opgewonden over zijn eenzijdige criteria en heb daarom een brief geschreven naar de NRC. Hieronder de kopie:

In het artikel ‘Evolutie: toeval of intelligent plan?’ (NRC maandag 23 mei) betoogt Sander Voormolen dat de theorie van Intelligent Design wetenschappelijk gezien niet gelijkwaardig is aan de evolutietheorie. Zonder in te gaan op de vraag welke theorie het leven op aarde werkelijk verklaart, wil ik mijn kritiek vooral richten op de eenzijdige criteria van meneer Voormolen. Hij lijkt de theorie van Intelligent Design af te rekenen op de waarneming dat de theorie niet voldoet aan wetenschappelijke criteria. Waar de evolutietheorie gestaafd is door een ‘stelsel van overtuigende aanwijzingen’, komt de theorie van Intelligent Design niet verder dan een idee. De heer Voormolen lijkt zich er echter niet bewust van te zijn dat hij de klassieke fout begaat andere theorieën af te rekenen op grond van zíjn manier van wetenschap, de positivistische manier. Een positivistische filosofisch-wetenschappelijke houding maakt dat alles wat waar kan zijn, op één bepaalde manier aangetoond moet worden, in het kort: door middel van waarneming en toetsing. Het verbaast me ook dat hij voor de evolutietheorie pleit door te zeggen dat er overtuigende aanwijzingen zijn. Ik meende dat positivisten theorieën juist aannemelijk maakten door ze enorm proberen te falsifiëren. Afin, theorieën die niet door middel van ‘proefjes’ aangetoond kunnen worden, maar die gebaseerd zijn op een stelsel van logische redenaties vallen dus buiten de boot. Het is beklagenswaardig dat iedere discussie over alternatieve theorieën hierdoor afgekapt wordt. Dit artikel getuigt naar mijn mening van een beperkte kijk op wetenschap en op waarheid.

Things you would do if you weren't afraid

2005-05-03T23:36:00.000+02:00

Yup, this is THE solution to the bloggersblock, a website that pops up blog ideas, for when you really ran out of inspiration. I suppose this site was meant for people that blog several times a day (what would be the use, seriously), and not for people like me, who blog once a week. Nevertheless, I thought I was entitled to using it today because of my never-ending headaches.

As the title mentions....what are things that I would do if I were not afraid?
- If I were not afraid to get into a fight with my landlord, I would ask him to lower the rent because I cannot use the garden (the use of which is mentioned in my contract) any longer.
- If I were not afraid to become all dull and middleclass, I would probably look for a job in my hometown instead of seeking adventure abroad.
- If I were not afraid of guys constantly hitting on me or grabbing me closer, I would definately go salsa dancing more often (this fear is very justified though).

- If I were not afraid too write too personal stuff on the net, I would have made a longer list.

Queensday

2005-05-01T23:49:00.000+02:00

It has been a energising and social queensweekend! Yes, there is a moment when virtually all Dutch go crazy, dress themselves up in whatever orange clothing they can lay their hands on, drink beer all day and night and celebrate the birthday of our beloved queen Beatrix.

It all started on Friday night when the party broke loose in the inner city of the Hague with live band performances on five stages throughout town and thousands of people crowding the streets. After coming back from a wedding that same evening, I joined my brother and some friends. We sort of strawled around, amazed by the amount of people, the spontaneous meetings, the singing, the pissing about; the extraordinary atmosphere. I could not even concentrate on a conversation with the person walking next to me, for I was observing all these people that did not show the slightest reservedness or shame.What a party with few rules and a lot of alcohol does to people, on a positive as well as a negative note. A well-dressed teenaged girl shouts at her boyfriend in an outrageous way: 'who the hell do you think you are??!!' He was clearly taken aback and ashamed of whatever it was he had done. A few minutes later, another handsome guy strokes the face of a shy and pretty blond girl, he kisses her gently and she seems overwhelmed and happy. On the balcony of a club, two thickish women appear in orange boa's and skirts and they start to dance to the music. The guys that see this happening from the street cheer and sing along, cheerleading them to an exclusive performance. There is shouting, singing, cheering, crying, drinking, puking, dancing, drinking, jumping, talking and a lot of flirting. Human beings feasting, an incredible sight.

On saturday, the queen visited Scheveningen, which is an old fisher's village by the coast. I watched her visit on the television and joined my friends at the beach later on. It was a warm and relaxed day. Today, however, it was even to get warmer: some 27 C. Another beach day thus. It felt like summer. Oh, how sun does make a difference to humour and the feeling-good. How am I not crazy, wanting to live in Sweden?

Nicht so eilig beim Sex

2005-04-27T11:45:00.000+02:00

Als ich die GMX Seite besuchte, sah ich diese Uberschrift: Die Deutschen haben es beim Sex nicht so eilig. Da ich neugierig war was in diese Publikation auseinander gesetzt wurde, druckte ich auf den Konnex zur Publikation. Ich war erstaunt uber den Inhalt der Geschichte!

Nach eine Umfrage der Zeitschrift 'Lisa' kann es 'nur' zehn Procent nicht schnell genug gehen. Zwei Drittel wartet dagegen. Aber wie lange? Jeder achte (12%) lasst sich einige Tage bis zum ersten Sex. Ein knappes viertel (23%) wartet einige Wochen une jeder sechste (17%) mindestens ein Monat.

Und was passiert mit den sonstigen 38%? Das wird nicht erklart. Deutlich ist aber dass nur 3% wartet bis zum Hochzeit!

Und das hier nennt man 'nicht so eilig'. Ich frage mich was uberhaupt noch normal ist in unsere Gesellschaft. Was haltet ihr?

Holiness

2005-04-25T00:44:00.000+02:00

This morning in church, the oddest thing happened. During worship (in which we praise our God), I felt a strong repugnance to singing, thinking about the lyrics, clapping to the rhythm and giving praise along with anybody else. When I could not take it any longer, I left and went to another room to pray. When the kids dashed into the room to have their own little service, I went back to the main room and sat down while the band started the last song. As soon as people sang, I burst into tears and they kept coming, for minutes and minutes. I could not control it. And I felt quite uneased, but also completely indifferent to what other people would think.

Looking back to it, I cannot explain my emotions but through Gods holy presence. Apparently, sensing that made me feel so incredibly overwhelmed. God is holy. So holy that it makes us look very very dirty when we see his light. The great thing is that it did not scare me or make me feel worthless or useless. On the contrary, I believe it is time that I be pruned!

air pollution

2005-04-18T12:51:00.000+02:00

Last night, me and a friend biked through the misty city of the Hague. In one particular street, the Stille Veerkade, there was a thick fog and I felt the moist and oxigen-low air hit my lungs. He noted that it was recently discovered that this street is the most polluted street of the Netherlands, in terms of clean air. I was not very surprised, all city-centre traffic passes through that street in order to get to the motorway and there are traffic jams continously.

This morning, I listened to a radio documentary about air pollution in the Netherlands. I was absolutely stunned to hear about the hard facts that the air pollution in this country constantly exceeds European standards and that per year, hundreds of people prematurely die due to this air pollution. How can it be that such a serious problem is neglected or at least not sufficiently dealt with?

According to experts interviewed in that documentary, two-third of the polluted air in the Netherlands is caused abroad! As with most environmental problems, this is thus a cross-border problem. This is the way it currently works: 'International air pollution control is primarily organised under the Convention on Long-Range Transboundary Air Pollution, the ECE-LRTAP, and by the EU in the Clean Air For Europe (CAFE) programme. Today CAFE works actively with such organisations as the WHO.'1

These WHO experts set up a clean air-standard according to the criterion that the air should be so clean that no damage is inflicted on people's health, and animals, plants and cultural values. The CAFE people copied this standard in their advise for the draft EU directive. The Dutch government indicated that it could never fulfill its obligations regarding this directive in the nearby future. This was not further considered however, and the directive was adopted and came into force on 1 January 2005. If the Dutch government would have directly initiated a law that makes a sootfilter on trucks and cars obligatory, the air pollution would most certainly have reduced by now. But as with a lot of things, politicians make a hazzle only when the matter is extremely urgent and when it is actually too late.

A hilarious detail is that whereas the Netherlands, Germany and Belgium are struggling with this new directive, France has no air pollution problem at all. Not because they have clean air, but because they use different measuring methods! Speaking of manipulative science...

This story has not come to an end. Indeed, nowadays, citizens can appeal with a judge whenever the government wants to enlarge roads, or build new ones, and when that leads to an excession of the European standard for clean air. There is a strange paradox: citizens want to drive a car; because the roads are crowded, the government makes plans to enlarge them; the citizen complains because enlarging the roads endangers his health! Surely, the real solution to this problem lies in a change of behaviour: that we all use those cars less and that we start living a more health- and environmentconscious life.

1. Information taken from the website of the Swedish government

Ethical choices

2005-04-13T11:47:00.000+02:00

Last night, I went to see the Danish movie 'Brøder' (Brothers), a dramathriller worthy of a warm recommendation. It has been a long time since I felt so amused, sad, uneased and most of all touched by a movie. Let me outline the story shortly: Michael is a high-ranked officer in the military with a special wife and two beautiful young daughters. His brother Jannik just came out of prison for robbing a bank and continues to be an alcoholic outlaw. Then, Michael is called-up to join the Danish forces in Afghanistan. On his first mission, his helicopter gets shot and crashes. He is declared dead back in Danmark. The family is torn and Jannik sees himself taking up some responsibility for his brother's family. Michael survived the crash, however, and was taken prison by the Taliban.

This is where the most interesting and shocking scene happens. Michael is kept together with another Danish soldier, who is not very bright. He tells Michael about his wife and baby daughter and cries from time to time. Michael soothes him. The Taliban fighters deem this other Danish soldier not important enough to hold hostage and have Michael choose: either he beats the other soldier to death, or they will both die. Michael refuses at first, but under extremely high psychological pressure, he grabs the iron stave and beats his fellow soldier to death.

After some time, Michael is liberated by British troops and returns to Danmark. His wife and children are extremely excited and happy to have him back. Michael however, is very traumatised and cannot stand the seemingly futile besognes that occupy his family from day to day. Also, he suspects his brother to have slept with his wife. One night, he goes mad and almost kills his wife, children and brother.He is temporarily put into prison.

Discussing the film afterwards with my Marrocan housemate Sammy, I asked him whether he would have beaten the other soldier to death, taking into account that it meant he would live and be able to be there for his wife and children. Sammy replied that he would not have killed the other soldier, for it meant that he could never live a full life again. The moral wrongness of that choice would make life unbearable. He thought that he would not be able to be a good husband and father again, due to the weight of that wrong deed on his shoulders.

I agreed with him without knowing why. I suppose that rationally, what Michael did was the best option. If he would not have done it, they would have both been killed, definately a sub-optimal option. However, we are not rational beings pur sang, we have a moral! I do not think I could live with myself after having done something so wrong.

And as with all ethical choices, I think about this dilemma in the light of my religion. Gods grace surely is big enough to forgive murderers. But that does not mean that we can consciously make the choice to kill, counting on His forgiveness. Grace is not an excuse to kill. I think I therefore rather die thankill someone and live. It might be a useless death, but I would have made the right moral choice.

What you should know about angels

2005-03-28T01:31:00.000+02:00

Indeed, today is Easter, the day we celebrate that Jesus has risen from the dead. In my opinion, this is the best Christian feast of the year. If we acknowledge that Christ is Lord, we get to party in heaven for eternity! I know this sounds simple, but to be honest....it is simple.

After having commemorated Jesus' sacrifice and celebrated his ressurection in church this morning, I went over to see my brother. We decided to go to the movies and ended up seeing 'Constantine'...heavy stuff! It deals with the light and the dark powers, angels and demons. Although most of the story seemed compatible with what I knew from the bible, the special effects made things so incredible that I had to check for myself. So with an online concordance, I examined all texts that referred to angels and those that referred to demons. The latter were few, mostly mentioned in parts in which Jesus exorsises demons.

But there were many texts about angels! Did you know that angels i.a......
- are not sweet pink babies, but warriors;
- have their own language;
- worship God 24/7;
- rejoice about every single person that repents his/her sins; and
- were sent to assist those that are saved and belong to God.

Makes me want to be on their side and not on the side of the fallen angels that were thrown into the Tartarus (hell), kept by unbreakable chains. Do you know of a great angel story?

Frustration with numbers....

2005-03-19T14:14:00.000+01:00

Every Friday, I get a digital newsletter called Friday Fax full of news about christians all over the world. This week, numbers about the state of Christianity were issued. This is a survey based on secular and Christian sources published by David B. Barrett, a professor of missiometrics at the World Evangalization Research Center in Richmond. I think he invented this field himself, since all google-hits on the word 'missiometrics' refer to him. I suppose it entails measuring the succes/failure of the christian mission to 'go and make disciples of all nations' (Matthew 28:19). I was enthusiastic at the start, I would be encouraged by seeing numbers of a world wide growth in disciples of Jesus Christ!

When I looked at the figures however, I saw that although the number of Christians had grown annually, the number of Muslims and Hindus had increased more. The annoying thing is that the numbers did not explain what the underlying factors were. If I were to take a micro explanation, that from my neighbourhood, I see that Muslim and Hindu families have at least four kids, whereas Christian people stick to one or two. I am aware that this has to do with cultural differences as well. And it is generally known that in the Netherlands, the Marroccan and Turkish groups grow way faster than the Dutch. This would easily explain for the figures. The Friday Fax e-mail promised an analysis of the current trends next week, I am curious!

All these thoughts once again demonstrate my frustration with numbers and with science in general. Whatever great method we use, however plausible our explanations sound...in the end we just do not know!

By the way, if I scared you with my enthusiasm about growth in disciples of Jesus Christ, let me reassure you with the message that I am not some crazy extremist that hates people that have another belief or lifestyle. Much on the contrary! However, I do think that the Gospel is the greatest present one can give someone in his/her life.

Dutch politics

2005-03-15T10:29:00.000+01:00

Normally, I do not closely follow news about controversies or events in Dutch politics. Often, it is much to do about nothing and we have all forgotten about it a week later. However, sometimes, there is news that even I cannot get around and which catches my attention. The following is such news.

An independent parliamentarian called Geert Wilders presented his individual political 'declaration of independence', otherwise known as a political programme. I was absolutely stunned to see what he advocated, especially regarding European integration. He thinks that if more countries access the euro-zone and the currency devaluates, the Netherlands should withdraw and re-introduce the guilder. If Turkey becomes a member, the Netherlands should get out of the EU (he gives no explanation for this, but I suppose it has something to do with his fear of radical Islam, in whichever way he links these two in his head). Re domestic structures, he would lower taxes, decrease the number of bureaucrats by 50% and introduce more severe punishment for criminals.

And of course we should all vote against Dutch ratification of the European Constitution in the referendum to be held in June this year. In a radio interview last night, ex-europarliamentarian and now Dutch parlementarian for D66 (social liberals) Lousewies van der Laan expressed her content with someone like Wilders. Differing opinions, even to the extreme, would enable all parties to conduct vivid debates and give the citizen a real choice in the referendum. She admitted that Wilders makes us all think about Pim Fortuyn, the flamboyant politician who stirred up Dutch politics right up to the point when he was shot, only a few days prior to the general elections in 2002. Van der Laan did point out an important distinction: Fortuyn was a man who had an elaborated programme that he had thought through thoroughly. I cannot but agree with her. Wilders 'programme' is a very easily readible and accessable document, which is good, but also lacks any realistic ideas about how to implement his plans. Let us hope that he will elaborate his programme a bit so as we can all take it serious. We should have lively elections again in a year!

World Women Day

2005-03-07T14:06:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is World Women Day. As this was announced on the radio today, I got curious and looked at some official websites. Originally, this initiative was organised in Kopenhagen in 1910 to mobilise support for women vote rights. The Dutch foundation emancipation online organises some events and argues that this day is still relevant and necessary, for example since: 'maar 38 procent van de Nederlandse vrouwen economisch zelfstandig is, dat wil zeggen dat ze meer dan 850 euro bruto per maand verdienen.' (only 39 percent of Dutch women is economically independent, i.e. that she earns over 850 euro gross per month.)

While I read an article on this day in Opzij (a Dutch feminist magazine), an advertisement on vibrators on top of the screen inevitably draws my attention. I start to feel itchy and irritated. I admit that I have a very cliché picture of feminists, being women that deem men unnecessary and fight for equal status. But when will we start to worry about the state of broken families in our society? Is it not smarter to work on the causes instead of trying to make all kinds of arrangements for the effects? I have the feeling that feminists in their fight for rights promote the idea that women are better off by themselves rather than providing measures to enhance the situation of e.g. single mums, which I of course fully support.

I am not naieve enough to think that things will really change. But if the government is to take measures, it better take measures that enables and promotes traditional family patterns. E.g. to not subsidise daycare, but to give this money to the parents instead so that one of them can choose to work less and stay home with the children. Parents that both really want to work fulltime can use this money to pay for daycare anyways.

By the way, I conveniently do not mention that of course there is great unjustice done to women all around the globe, such as female genital mutilation or other forms of mutilation (feet in China, necks in Thailand). This is terrible and worth of devoting one day a year to.

FridayQ: Trust

2005-03-07T12:47:00.000+01:00

You are so right. It is Monday. Still, I will do FridayQ. I have been away last Friday and Saturday on a so-called Winter Academy at which we discussed how to practise our christian faith in dealing with social matters, such as developmental aid or social justice. These are matters that interest me increasingly, should add a post on it once.

FQ TOPIC: Trust.

FQ1: Who is an actor or director you trust to always make a good film? What is it about their previous works that make you trust them?
Probably Edward Norton. I have seen him play such different roles: a stuttering altar boy accused of murder (Primal Fear), a violent skinhead who changes his beliefs in prison (American History X), a boring salesman that challenges our materialistic world (Fight Club), and a modern priest (Keeping the Faith). He is stunningly convincing in each and every one of these roles.

FQ2: Where is a place you trust to always make a good food? What is it about their previous culinary creations that make you trust them?
That would be my mum's kitchen. She has always cooked healthy and regularly, giving me a pattern of healthy food for life. I will never trust restaurants, for I have heard too many horror stories. I do not wish to find out either.

FQ3: What's a company you trust to always make a good product? What is it about their previous stuff that make you trust them?
Lindt chocolate. They could never let me down, it is simply yummmmmmmmmy! As for electronics, I would definately trust Siemens. Why? Let me throw in a cliché: it is German and therefore solid and reliable.

FQ YOU: What is something you do so well that people can absolutely trust you with it? What's something that people should never trust you with?
People could trust me regarding text, e.g. making a summary or writing an analysis. People should never trust me when it comes to calculation, of any sort, or when it comes to geography.

Snowfun in the Hague

2005-03-02T17:29:00.000+01:00

Winter with a capital W has arrived in the Netherlands! In the east of the country, there fell some fifty cm's since last night. Apparently, on average this happens only one in every fifty years. This might account for the fact that for the first time during the six years I have been living here, I have seen some serious snow in the Hague!

After having done my assignments as a responsible student, I allowed myself to go out all afternoon, joyful as a small child. The best snowball I got thrown at me was from my kind neighbourmum: she first asked: 'lady, may I throw one at you?' To which I sort of growled and got ready to hit her right back. She was quicker though I was so carefully packed that it did not do any damage.

Full of amazement and grace, I walked through the city centre, armed with my new digicam. It seemed as is the city had transformed and was now showing its bright side. Stately mansions and churches rose from the white underground and trees looked splendid with the snow its branches carried.

The good news is that it will stay cold at least over the weekend, with some -15 on Friday! The bad news....why won't this bloody provider allow me to attach pictures :((

Time for people

2005-02-28T23:56:00.000+01:00

If you look a little bit like me, you will have a huge circle of friends, fellows, acquitances and people you knew at some period in your life. You will correspond, e-mail, call and communicate in some way with all of these people at different paces. You appreciate the contact, but somehow it sometimes feels like you're growing apart. You do not share these things that happen from day to day. It does not feel relevant to keep them updated about your life and vice versa, to hear from them about their latest walks in life. If you are a little bit like me, you drown in it.

But I realised I had to make more space in my agenda. To have the quiet pace that allows me for getting to know new people. People that God wants me to meet, because I need them in a point of my life, or because they need me.

Yesterday, I had a spontaneous late night chat with a friend in a bar. Afterwards I asked her: 'What can I do for you?' She did not know what to say, for no one had ever offered such a thing to her. But she would seriously rethink it.

Having an eye for people. Isn't it worth so much? Making time for people. No rebursement...

FridayQ: collectable

2005-02-25T11:04:00.000+01:00

FQ TOPIC: Collectable.

<>FQ1: Are you a collector? If so, what are some of the things you collect?
Out of principle, I do not collect anything. However, I do have a great collection of free postcards (have to have one for every friend for every opportunity) and a modest collection of books, completely non-intentional. Oh and silly me, there is my CD collection of course. I hope to have converted all of them to MP3 on an external HD soon though.

FQ2: If you could collect anything... no matter how rare or expensive, what would it be?
Definately wine! I drewl at the thought of having my own wine cellar with the exact right temperature and humidity filled with exquisite wines of all vintages for every occasion.

FQ3: Looking around you, what is some ordinary, everyday object you possess that would make an interesting collectable 100 years from now?
Perhaps my violin...It is already 109 years old and hand-made. I (well in fact: my parents) paid a respectable price and it produces a fairly good sound. I imagine that in a 100 years from now, lest well-kept, it has come to full maturity and will be an interesting object to players.

FQ RECOMMENDED: Are there any public collections you enjoy (museums, galleries, etc.) that we should know about?
The one museum in The Hague that I enjoy most is the 'gemeentemuseum' (communal museum). They have a multi-faceted collection that complete art-nitwits, such as myself, even enjoy.

Skip those sex scenes, people!

2005-02-23T13:42:00.000+01:00

'Well, yes, ehm...I guess it is part of the job. I just do it, try not to really think about it. I look the way I look and I cannot really change anything about it, so I just stopped caring about it. But it will never become a great hobby of mine.'

Do you wonder what this paraphrased quote is about? It is the Dutch actor Gert-Jan Weber's opinion about his naked scenes in the new Dutch movie 'Flirt'. Another quote:

'I cannot say that I enjoy it. Telling him how to move his hand over her breast. Telling him to pull up a leg because otherwise the camera will catch eye on his penis. Nope, not my thing.'

This is the director of 'Flirt'. Lastly...the title of the film:

'Flirt: about cheating and other forms of real love'

Is it just me, or is this absolutely wacked??? People in the film-business create scenes that they themselves loathe, for the sake of those 15-year olds that will see the film en masse. The public gets the movie it deserves? Well, who told us that this is what we all want to see? Teens might like to brag about such scenes, but only because of peer pressure. I am not convinced that deep in their hearts, these youngsters really want to check out how these actors undress and imitate some sort of love affaire.

A nice illustration of my argument is the story of a Dutch taxi-driver that wrote down some stories of people that he had in his taxi: http://www.joelnews.org/news-en/jn498.htm

I plea for a new moral consciousness in the film industry. Filmmakers (and all the people involved: scenariowriters and soforth) do have great responsibility. Why insert sex scenes when it is perfectly possible to make a good film without any of that?

Can anyone explain me why we all accept all this without protest?

FridayQ

2005-02-18T18:40:00.000+01:00

This is my first time to participate in FridayQ, I first thought it was a personal initiative from one blogger, untill I stumbled upon several blogs that did the FridayQ, I now found the website on which the questions are posed....(http://www.blogography.com/fridayq.html)

FQ TOPIC: Distance.

<>FQ1: What's the furthest North you've been on this world? What were you doing there?
The furthest north I have been was in the Norwegian village Flåm, where I was on my 'Norway in a nutshell tour' through the steepest and most incredible fjords in the country. After rolling my eyes out on the Flåmsbana, I took a train to Hallingskeid, the tiniest and most deserted village I have ever seen, for a good three days of hiking.

FQ2: What's the furthest South you've been on this world? What were you doing there?
The furthest south I have been was in Los Angeles, USA. I was on holiday with my parents and brothers (we had been wining about it since we were little, but my sensible parents would not take us before we would all be of an age at which we would remember the trip).

FQ3: Where were you born, and what's the furthest you've been from that spot?
I was born in Ysselstein, a village in the middle of the Netherlands, a little south from Utrecht. I do not recall having been there ever since (just passing through on a cycle tour), since I grew up in Nieuwegein (60.000 inhabitants), a sleeping city attached to Utrecht. The furhest i have been from Ysselstein must be San Fransico (8768 km). Most of which we did by plane btw ;)

FQ AWAY: Name a blog you read that's the most distant from you... whether it be emotionally, culturally, religiously, or by physical location.
Do people read blogs that they cannot identify with? Interesting, since I just realised that I do not. Must be physical location thus, which are several blogs in Stockholm (1126 km).

The hard truth about happiness

2005-02-12T14:30:00.000+01:00

This was the title of an article in today's NRC that immediately drew my attention. The American psychologist Sonja Lyobomirsky (Russian decendence) was interviewed and her basic argument was that because people get caught up in the treadmill of hedonism, they will never reach a permanent state of happiness. The treadmill of hedenism entails that with every step we take towards a happier life, we get so easily used to this new situation that we get unsatisfied and unhappy again. It's a vicious circle with no end nor a beginning. She pointed out that about half of our 'happiness-rate' is determined genetically. The fifty percent left is divided between circumstances (only 10%!!) and our own active elaboration of our lives (40%). The latter is the part on which we have to work. By taking care of our condition through sports. By doing nice things for other people. By posing yourself attainable goals that we find intrinsically important (not for someonelse, for money or for status). And by counting your blessings.

I found her article helpful. Still, I cannot help but being a little cynical about her ending. There is no formula for happiness. Even God does not guarantee us a happy life. Moreover, sadness and suffering can be very valuable. What kind of person would I be if I would know no sorrow, sadness or even suffering? I would be incapable of compassion! It would be extremely hard to enjoy my blessings even. Moreover, I have the idea that I learn more from sad periods than from happy periods, since there is space for reflection and repentence. Also, sadness seems philosophically not opposed to happiness, I believe it can be part of it, depending on how you define happiness. I will embrace sadness and make it part of my life. Also of the life that I share with others!

Blogdentity crisis

2005-02-01T22:16:00.000+01:00

I am having a blogdentity crisis. Why am I blogging? Whom am I blogging for? What is the purpose of posting week in, week out? Why do I put my stories online (and for anyone to see) anyway? My initial motive was mere enthusiasm. Blogging was hot, so I wanted to try it out.

When posting my first story, I already encountered this problem: whom was I writing for? When writing articles, I was tought to have the target group in mind with every sentence. But online, I did not know whom my target group would be. I soothed myself with the idea that I would just do my own thing and anyone who would read would apparently belong to my target group.

By the second story, I stumbled over the question what my blog should be about. Since I did not want to pin down on anything, I named it 'discoveries', which entails I can write about basically anything. Two weeks ago, however, my daily newspaper's (www.nrc.nl) weekend edition featered an article on the freedom of choice and how modern industrialised people did not become any happier in having like 98312470932 alternatives of practically anything they would want in life. Some choice is nice, but too much choice overkills. And I had to agree. It would be much easier to write a blog on one specific passion of mine (fill in: hermeneutics, music, wine, language, power and so on). On the other hand, I would have far too little knowledge of or interest in either of them to fulltime blog on it. I am a polyperson and would like to keep things that way.

On top of these thoughts, a befriended couple asked me recently why people blog anyways. Was it not simply showing of and another form of exhibitionism? I was unable to give them a satisfying answer and stumbled that I was keeping friends abroad informed about my life and that I might inspire other readers with my own thoughts.

Then my pastor casually remarked that blogging stories about God was a form of worshipping. I am still pondering this idea.

In the meanwhile I will just keep on blogging to see how this evolves. I might spy on other bloogers to see what they do. Are there no Dutch bloggomeetings where I can meet other 'vakidioten' (literally translated: fieldidiots, a cynical Dutch expression for people in the same business)?

The worst day of the year

2005-01-25T17:11:00.000+01:00

British scientists did research on what is generally perceived as the worst day of the year, using certain criteria (weather, time of the year, financial situation, workload etc.). This day would be 24 Januari.

I woke up late since I had an exhausting weekend and needed to catch up with sleep. I took a shower when I looked out the window, I discovered that the world outside was completely white! My first snow this year and I was as happy as a small child. I went out to do some groceries and slipped at least five times with the car (no, we don't normally use wintertires in the Netherlands). Then I rushed to Amsterdam for my class that day, which was actually interesting. I had a coffee with a classmate, then looked up some literature. The printer was out of order. I had dinner at the university canteen which was not bad at all. I went home and watched some TV. Then I chatted some, drunk a glass of port wine and went to bed.

According to my reference framework, a day to be perfectly happy about!

How was your 24 January?

destressing

2005-01-14T15:30:00.000+01:00

My friend Leneke always reminds me: 'Life is all about balance, Hanneke!' And indeed, the more I observe people around me and the more I learn about my own life, I cannot but agree with her. The past months, my life evolved mostly around extremes: either I was studying till I stressed out or I was partying till I dropped. Such strategies are not very fruitful let alone healthy. This week, I am teaching myself to comply with some sort of balanced time-management. I actually get up in time, go to class, study, take a walk in the sun or jog in the park, eat sushi, and join a friend for a glass of wine in our favourite wine bar. This reflects my ingredients for a balanced life: mental occupation, physical exercise, good and healthy food and social relaxation. Don't I just sound like a health guru?!

Yes I thought I had it all worked out. But then I did a bible study yesterday and like many bible studies, it was confrontational. It said that if we are ill, we go and see a doctor and want to be cured. But why do we put up with spiritual illness??

Just as I take care of my body and mind, I should also take care of my spiritual health. Maybe I should begin by reading Philippians (3:14) where Paul compares faith in Jesus with a (sports) game in which we press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God called us heavenward. If it is no problem for me to design a jogging program until I attain the goal of having a good condition, it should not be problematic to design a spiritual training program as well!

Holding the rope or letting go?

2005-01-11T13:20:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I again experienced how confronting it can be to have serious talk with friends. We had a meeting with all cell group leaders in church and talked about i.a. responsibility for other people. Our pastor Ronald told us a story (he loves to tell stories and is also good at it) which can be based down to this: person x stood on a bridge with a rope around his body and asked person y passing by to hold the end of the rope. Person y accepted the request, not aware of what was going to happen. Person x jumped off the bridge and now person y was in control of the life of person x, but unable to lift the rope due to the weight of person x and the length of the rope. Person y held the rope and started to talk to person x, who only reiterated that person y was now responsible for his life and that he could definately not drop him. Person y finally shifted responsibility back to person x by telling him that hé had to climb up. When person x refused to do so, person y let go of the rope.

My instant reaction to person y letting go of the rope was: 'I could never do that.' When we discussed the story and thought of situations in which someone tries to cling on to us in real life, it turned out that I in fact behave like that. I talk to people, try to make them see that it is really in THEIR hands, but I always make sure that I function as a safety net in case things go wrong. I now realise that this is not even beneficial for the person clinging on to me, for in the end, I still take responsibility for their lives. I believe that it is my responsibility to make sure they understand what their responsibility is before transferring this responsibility back upon them. Although it would be even better to prevent them to shift responsibility upon me in the first place.

What I find most difficult about this is that if people shift their responsibility upon me, they manipulate me, although often we are both even not aware of it. This is a totally unhealthy relationship with most likely no good ending. But....I am susceptive to it.

What would you do if you were person y?

My 2004

2004-12-31T16:26:00.000+01:00

In the last week of the year, every year, hundreds of lists suddenly appear in newspapers, on television, on the radio and of course, online. The most breaking news of 2004, listener's favorite songs in 2004, the best art exhibitions of 2004, the best bloggers in 2004 and so on. And like anyone else, surely I have a list of the greatest events in my life the past year. The difference is that I will not bother making this list. First of all, I do not think it is interesting to anyone but myself. Secondly, how to categorise such a list? Do I include great as well as sad moments? Do I include family events? Do I include world news and what it did to me?

Nah, I think there's only one thing that counts. I am on my way, continuously falling and getting up again. I am pursuing my dream to complete a masters, I enjoy the blessings of sharing my life with fellow christians, friends, family and I may draw life lessons even from slightly hard times (tuffa tider). There is so much to learn in this life! I am glad that things do not come all at once, but that we may gradually grow.

So this is it. If I were to judge from what I hear outside, Newyears started last Wednesday. This is the day that the selling of fireworks started. I hear such loud bangs that it makes me think of war rather than feast. I hope that my window is still in there when I get back tomorrow.

So this is it. We will symbolically change time and write a different number to indicate that. I will hang out with a good friend and other people I have never met and drink great wine and fake (cause cheaper) champagne. And hopefully, we will dance the night away.

Saknar mening

2004-12-30T19:11:00.000+01:00

<>Den här dagarna klarar jag inte att titta på nyheterna eller att läsa tidningen utan att gråta. Liker som driver runt i vatten, hela byar som har försvunnit, en sjuårigt barn som letar efter sin mamma utan att hitta henne. <>Jag klarar inte heller att hitta de rätta orden för att beskriva allt som hänt. Så finns det människor som har som jobb att berätta om krisen. Hur klara de det?

Ibland känns nästan som om jordens undergång är nära. Som det står i bibeln: då faller stjärnorna från himlen och då kommer Jesus tillbaka. Oj, vilket party det kommer bli!

<>Jag skulle vilja ligga i sängen hela dagen och inte tänka på något. Skulle bara be till Gud och sova. Det känns som om allt saknar mening.

Men det kan vi inte göra. Idag skrev en kompis så här till mig: ’plötsligt insåg jag att det bästa som jag kan göra är att LEVA’. Och jag håller med. Gud vill inte att vi stanna och vänta, Han vill att vi går ut och berättar för alla om hans stora kärlek.

Jag ber för att alla svenskar och speciellt de som förlorat någon ska känna tröst från Gud, den enda som kan ge äkta tröst.

Studieontwijkend gedrag

2004-12-28T17:29:00.000+01:00

Vandaag vertoon ik studieontwijkend gedrag. Ik heb boodschappen gedaan. Het huis is brandschoon. Mijn kamer is opgeruimd. Alle foto's van mijn nieuwe digitale camera staan op de laptop en op online fotoalbums. Mijn mp3-speler staat vol met vers gedownloade nummers.

Maar ik heb niet gestudeerd. Het is nog een opdracht, nog een serieus stuk over macht in de Europese Unie en dan kan ik echt vakantie vieren.

En nu schrijf ik een post over mijn studieontwijkend gedrag zodat ik het studeren nog even kan uitstellen.

Vanmiddag sprak ik een Zweedse vriend op de chat. Hij zei dat het heel normaal was om studieontwijkend gedrag te vertonen. Daarna belde een vriendin en lachte om mijn bekentenis. 'Heel herkenbaar,' beaamde ze. Nog even later sprak ik een Amerikaanse kennis op de chat, hij reageerde met: 'that's common'. Mooi, zulke vrienden. Daar kun je nog eens schuilen. Maar niemand die je confronteert.

Tsja, het heeft natuurlijk alles met eigen verantwoordelijkheid te maken.

Als ik nu deze post afsluit geef ik mezelf weer een kans aan de opdracht te beginnen.

Maar....over anderhalf uur ga ik naar een vriendin...en ik moet nog warm eten en ik wil nog douchen. Het zit er dus niet in vandaag.

Morgen weer een nieuwe dag.

Christmas and hope

2004-12-14T22:56:00.000+01:00

Tonight, I got the chance to bless a family in the area where our church is located. Along with my friend Sjoukje, we went to a Roma family from Slovakia and brought them a christmas parcel with nutricious thingies. We were instantly asked to come in and spend some time talking to the parents and the seven (!) great children. They have been awaiting asylum for five years now. The father was dissapointed with not being able to work and have his eldest children get a proper education. But they have good hopes for a future here, because their appeal to a higher court was accepted.

Christmas is commonly celebrated with good food and family warmth. But essentially, it is a feast of new life, of hope! The last compliment that someone gave me was that he saw hope in my eyes. That, I think, is the hope that I have through my faith in Jesus. Hope for love, justice, an afterlife. Jesus is my light in the darkness. And what time of the year is more appropriate to celebrate this than in the darkest days...

Being judgemental

2004-12-01T23:10:00.000+01:00

I always like to think that I am not judgemental. Yesterday evening, during our church house group meeting - five women that gather once a week to share food, thoughts, prayer, bible lessons, happiness, sadness, in short: their lives - we talked about how Jesus saw people as the Father sees them, without any judgement and fully concerned with them. When I really started to think about the way I look at people, I discovered that I have a lot to learn still. For example, I really dislike people that always have their television on and that know every program broadcasted between 17.00 and 23.00. One of my new housemates is like that. I thought that she did not have the fantasy to do anything else besides watching television, I thought that she was too lazy to get up and go out to socialise. I thought that she waisted her time. When I asked her one day why she watched so much television, she gently let me know that it was the only way for her not to think of the horrible things she has been through (she has fled Rwanda some years ago during the civil war there). I felt so silly. I had forgotten to look at her like Jesus would have done.

(Not) analysing dreams

2004-11-26T13:06:00.000+01:00

My last blog dates from 11 november and I am not sure I am still worthy of calling myself a blogger. The first blogger I personally got to know sleeps only four to six hours per night. This gives him plenty of time to research and write of course (see the result on www.stefangeens.com). Given the fact that I currently sleep about nine hours per night, I am way disadvantaged. On the other hand, I decided not to worry about not getting things done, because it is highly frustrating and energy consuming.

What is more, all this sleep I get sometimes leads to ideas for my blog! As you must have noticed, our mind is a strange thing, especially during sleep. When you are puzzled about something, all you do is sleep over it ('er een nachtje over slapen' zoals wij zeggen) and the next morning, you know exactly how to continue or what to decide. Another incredible mechanism that works during our sleep is dreaming. I have always loved to dream and there were years that I remembered about four dreams per week, which I wrote down in my dream-diary. Some of them are absolutely fantastic and depict the amazing adventures I had...in my dreams. Others are frightening because they deal with illness, accidents or death.

This night, I had such a frightening dream. I was cycling on the main road of a village and there I saw the moon over the rooftops, it was incredibly bright and large. But then, it turned out that it was not the moon, but an air-balloon. The men in the basket under the balloon looked terrified and they were frantically trying to get the balloon up, because they were in between the houses and about to crash on the ground. They did not succeed and I saw the balloon as it crashed. There was an explosion and then silence. I could hardly breathe. The police arrived and shut off the direct surroundings. Then several ambulances came. I went to the spot where the balloon crashed and I saw paramedics taking the men out of the basket. They were all dead. Their faces were mutilated by the explosion, their skin was burnt.

I was not in a good mood when i woke up. I still saw those terrified faces before me. The first thing that I automatically tried to sort out was some meaning of this dream. I could not figure it out. And then again, I do not believe I have to. I was brought up with the idea that everything has a reason, a cause. This is what science tells us to believe. Unknown phenomena are simply things we have not figured out yet. But science cannot tell us about the creation of earth or about a God. And still, the existence of God is as evident to me as any so-called 'fact'.I guess what I am trying to point out is this: we should not overanalyse our lives and this world, for our senses and minds are so limited.

Fear in the lowlands

2004-11-10T22:16:00.000+01:00

I would really like to write a spicy, political and controversial post. But honestly, I really can't. My mind cannot grasp what has been going on the past week in my country. Since the Van Gogh murder a week ago, there have been 20 attacks on schools (!), mosques and churches. Dutch police, military and special anti-terrorist units siege and clear out houses in inter alia Amsterdam and The Hague. The PM shows his concern with the situation and calls for people to talk to one another instead of about one another. The national channel issues special live news programs on all these events and invites so-called specialists to analyse them. But seriously, does anyone really know what is going on? And is this confusion not partly why these attacks are taking place? In times like these, I wished we did not have television, radio and internet. That would surely save a lot of agitation and misunderstandings.

Dutch breading ground for terrorists

2004-11-06T11:59:00.000+01:00

Since the murder on Dutch moviemaker and columnist Theo van Gogh (yes,descendent of...) this week, Dutch bloggers have analysed and commented on this event and the impact it has on Dutch society extensively. Because the suspect is a muslim extremist, there is a lot of debate on the multicultural society. A French philosopher noted that The Netherlands is going through a debate on Islam in a western society in a time-span of just a few turbulent years, whereas it took France thirty. I do not believe that there is a clash of civilisations in this country. After all, all muslim organisations have (obviously) strongly condemned the murder. I would say the question is this: has The Netherlands become that open and 'tolerant' that it has unintentionally also become an easy breading ground for extremists and/or terrorists? This worries me. Seems I have one thing in common with the re-elected president of the US. What a week!

Answers to people in need

2004-10-29T11:49:00.000+02:00

This week, I started to read a fabulous book called 'Out of the saltshaker and into the world' by Rebecca Pippert. This British lady promotes evangelisation as a way of life. What I find attractive about her book are the many lively and recognisable stories of her meetings with 'God-seekers'. I would like to give one of the stories below. It touched me because the woman in need seems so insecure and uncertain of God's love, she almost can't believe that he actually cares about her mess. Read it and be encouraged! And remember, only the Spirit of God can convince people of their sins, we can only point them out as an act of love.

'Carla, how on earth are you coping with so much pain? Where do you get the resources to handle all of this?'
'I don't think I am handling it well. I can't sleep at night. I smoke five packets a day. I just don't know what to do (...).'
'Well you must begin by caring for yourself. You won't be able to give much unless your own cup is filled. (...) Listen Carla, all I can offer you is what has helped me through the most difficult times in my life. Carla, you were never intended to go through this much pain alone. Nobody is expected to handle all of this without help. (...) You need to turn to God, and he loves you very much.'
'You know, I do believe in God even though I don't know him very well. The other day I asked myself, Does God ever get involved in the messes we make in our lives?'
' Oh Carla, getting involved with our human mess is God's speciality! In fact, God solved the human mess by sending his Son, Jesus. He died for all our messes. And he wants you to turn to him and let him carry this horrible burden for you.'
'How would I even start with God? I've made such a complete screw-up of my life.'
'You start by telling God exactly that. Tell him you are sorry for all your sins. Ask him to forgive you. Thank Jesus for dying on the cross for your sins. Then ask him to come into your life. From that point on, you will have God's Spirit living and working through you.'
'I can't imagine what God must think of me.'
'God sees everything about all of us. He sees where you've blown it. But he also sees how much you care. He loves you. And he wants to come into your life so he can make you the Carla you were intended to be. (...)'
'How do I find out more about this? What can I read?'

No comments...

Small things

2004-10-25T22:16:00.000+02:00

As you might have noticed, I have a slight preference to talk about things that I encounter in my studies, such as power. However, these issues have not been on my mind at all the past week. One morning I woke up and I was not my normal self. I was very tired and sad. I am a little better now, but I still find it hard to think, especially about complex issues.

Instead, I sat by the window this afternoon and looked out at the autumn trees. I can really recommend this! The leaves were orange-yellowish and the sun was shining, making it a spectacular view. I did not dare to go out yet, afraid to ruin the moment, but this feeling in itself was perfect. I feel, as a postmodern person with a full agenda, I have really forgotten to enjoy small moments like these.

Manipulation leaves no choice

2004-10-18T22:39:00.000+02:00

Yesterday, a friend I was chatting to asked me whether it was wrong of him to make people do things his way by charming them or flirting with them (the latter only with girls of course). I immediately realised this was a typical example of the third face of power (outlined in my previous post). My first reaction was: well...if you do not hurt them or make them do things that are disadvantegeous to them, I guess there is nothing wrong with it.

Afterwards, I realised there is more to it. If one believes in a zero-sum game (a gain for one is a loss for the other), making people do things your way is automatically disadvantageous for them. The next question would be: is that wrong? Personally, I do not wish to believe in a world that consists of calculating rational individuals that only act upon something if it is to their advantage. I like to believe that human beings can act altruistically and do things that are not (directly) in their interest.

The question still remains: is it wrong to make people do things your way, even if they are happy to do it? Often, when I encounter questions I do not know the answer to, I open my bible and try to find out what Jesus would think about it. I discovered that Jesus does not manipulate people do things his way. Rather, he confronts them with the truth about their lives and then offers them Gods love and forgiveness. People either walk away or turn themselves against him or they accept Gods forgiveness and start a new life. But Jesus always gave them a choice. Manipulation leaves no choice. My preliminary conclusion therefore is that it is wrong. Will you prove me wrong?

The third face of power

2004-10-16T14:55:00.000+02:00

On 6 October, I publised the following post on my previous blog. I am still intrigued by the subject, therefore, I post it again.

Yesterday in class, we talked about power. In political science, scholars have forwarded three faces of power:
1) decision-making (the one that decides 'wins' and has power);
2) agenda-setting (the one that determines the issues at stake has power) and mobilisation of bias (the group that gains from exisiting preferences wins); and
3) shaping of others' preferences against their real interests (manipulation, exercising power over the other without them knowing it).

The implications of the third face of power scared me. Is it possible that politicians put public problems in such a perspective that we support the solutions they forward whereas an alternative solution would be in our real interest? And does this kind of manipulation happen on a person-to-person scale? My gut-feeling says it does. And scientists have found no theoretical solution to this problem yet. And I guess what I find most scary about it is the sense that after all, we are not so free and independent as we are inclined to think we are.

Welcome

2004-10-15T10:02:00.000+02:00

Dear reader,

Welcome to my personal blog. I named is descobrições, which is portuguese for discoveries. Indeed, how exiting life is and how full of discoveries! Whenever I discover something, I will share it on this blog. Please feel free to comment and to share you opinion and insights whenever appropriate.

PS If English is difficult for you, try another language and I'll try to decipher it!